Cullen Catastrophes and Hale Happenings
by ArtsieGirlie
Summary: The Cullens and Hales are one entertaining family. They always have something interesting and most likely funny going on. It's never boring around their house, that's for sure. This is a bunch of one shots about them and Bella. Please read and review!
1. Albertson's Adventure

Hi everyone! This is my very first Twilight fan fiction! I was going to do a long story but I figured I'd do better with just a bunch of one shots so here it is! If you have a moment, please do review! Enjoy!

Disclaimer for whole story: My first name is not Stephenie and my last name is not Meyer. If it was you would know. I don't own anything. Except the plots, I do own those.

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Albertson's Adventure

"What's a Starbucks doing in a grocery store?" asked Jasper.

"Umm…actually they are in all of them now." informed Bella.

"Whoa!!!!! Look it's all modern!!!!" exclaimed Emmett while poking a spinning container that held chicken. "It spins!!! Electronically!!"

Edward rolled his eyes. "Just because he haven't actually been shopping in a grocery store for a very long time doesn't mean it's the same as it used to be. Just because you don't go somewhere doesn't mean it stays the same!"

"Emmett stop opening the freezer doors and sticking your hands in it!" said Esme.

"Yeah you're scaring all the cute little kids! Ooooo pretty colors!" Alice wandered into the beverage section with all the multi-colored cans.

"Whoa cool, what's Red Bull!?!?!?!?! I want some!!!!!" Emmett grabbed it and jumped up and down. "It supposedly gives you wings!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Emmett. Calm. Down." commanded Rosalie while grabbing the Red Bull and putting it back on the shelf. "You can't drink it anyway!"

"Fine." pouted Emmett. "I didn't really want it anyway."

"You're so immature." stated Edward.

"Well you know what??" snarled Emmett.

"What?" asked Edward while flexing his muscles.

Alice, wanting to avoid the brawl that was surely going to start, grabbed Emmett's arm and yelled, "Off to the cereals!!!!!!" She grabbed Jasper with her other arm.

"Wow that doughnut looks good!" exclaimed Bella dragging Rosalie and Edward towards the bakery.

That left poor Esme and Carlisle all by themselves, looking at the notebooks and school supplies for no particular reason at all.

**Meanwhile in the cereal section…**

"What's Bear Naked? That not a very good name for a cereal!" stated Jasper.

"I'm sure Alice would like Bugs'n'Mud seeing as she just bugs people," joked Emmett. Alice glared at him.

"Who would have thought that there would be fifty bazillion cereals for a measly little meal like breakfast? I don't understand humans these days," said Alice.

Two people walked past and only heard "don't understand humans these days" and gave them VERY strange looks.

"Oh, now look whose scaring people!" accused Emmett.

"Hey, it isn't my fault that- "

"Look it's Rosalie and Bella and Edward ALL the way down there! Let's run to catch up with them!!" proposed Jasper while running towards them.

As the three of them slid to a stop at Bella's feet, they heard the end of a brutal fight.

"Cream Cheese is bad for you!! It makes you fat!" screamed Rosalie.

"Yeah but it tastes good!" reasoned Edward. "And it's the only way to eat a bagel."

"NO IT'S NOT!!!!!!!!!! PUT BUTTER ON THE STUPID BAGEL!!!!" shrieked Rosalie.

"Rose, calm down!" soothed Emmett placing a big hand on her shoulder. "Inhale and exhale. Inhale and exhale."

"I DON'T HAVE TO BREATHE IF I DON'T WANT TOO!!!!!"

Some tourists walking by gave them questioning looks.

Alice, who saw the tourists out of the corner of her eye said, "Now Rosalie, did you forget to take your medicine again? What did I tell you about that? Now in with the good air and out with the bad."

Emmett and Jasper has to stuff their fists in their mouth to keep from laughing at the look on Rosalie's face. Then Bella started coughing uncontrollably.

"COUGH DROPS!!" stated Edward. "You need cough drops!!!!!!!!! To the medicine section!!!!!!"

And off they ran to the medicine section.

"Now, do you want Halls Cool Citrus, Cool Berry, Strawberry Crème, Ice Blue or Honey-Lemon?" asked Edward.

"Umm…well Co- " Bella started to say.

"Honey-Lemon it is!!! Lovely choice!!" exclaimed Alice.

"Oooo make-up!" giggled Rosalie.

"I want this and this and this and this and this and this!" stated Alice piling an assortment of nail polish, lip stick, cover up, eye shadow, eyeliner, and mascara in Jasper's arms.

"Yeah you need it all to cover up that ugly face of yours." murmured Emmett.

Alice threw a tube of lipstick at his head.

"Look! It Bald Guyz Head wipes!" exclaimed Edward picking up a box. "Looks to me like you could use these Emmett,"

Emmett threw something that resembled a hair brush at his head. It missed and broke a pharmacy window. Bella groaned as the vampires swiftly ran and ducked into the shampoo aisle.

"Hmm… should I get Herbal Essences Shimmery Nights or Victoria Secret's Global Goddess or Herbal Essences Drama Clean or Victoria Secret's Sensuous Shine Shampoo or Herbal Essences Totally Twisted or Bath and Body Works Pink Grapefruit shampoo??" inquired Rosalie. She looked up at 5 totally blank stares. "What? I like my shampoo."

"I'm NEVER EVER taking you guys grocery shopping AGAIN!!!" yelled Bella at the top of her lungs.

"Why?" asked Emmett.

Bella made a sound between a scream and howl, grabbed her cough drops, and ran off to pay. She avoided the police and store mangers examining the broken pharmacy window.

**Moral of the story: NEVER EVER take vampires grocery shopping. It is NOT a good idea. **

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And there you have it, my very first one shot. I hope you enjoyed it! I'll try to have another one up soonish...


	2. The TV Tragedy

Thanks for reviewing! I love getting reviews, they make me way excited!

This one shot isn't as long as the other one, I had a _really_ busy week and I wasn't expecting it.

Oh, and The TV Tragedy probably wasn't the best thing to name this update, but I couldn't think of anything better. And hey, you do get to learn everyone's favorite TV shows!

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**The TV Tragedy**

It was a beautiful, breezy, sunny day. Wait, nevermind it's Forks!!! Never is there sun there!!!

It was a windy, rainy, stormy day in Forks. The perfect day for five vampires plus the human girlfriend to go out and do whatever it is that they do together. There, that's MUCH better!

Which Esme and Carlisle were very happy about. Finally some well deserved peace and quiet.

"Finally the kids are gone!" said Carlisle plopping down on the couch.

"Yeah, I don't know what they're doing, but I'm glad they're doing it!" Esme sat down beside him.

That's when the moment was ruined by a door slamming shut. Dang.

"I call the TV! America's Next Top Model is on!" squealed Rosalie.

"Hey, but the football game is on! We're watching that!" bellowed Emmett.

"But it's Hannah Montana time!! You get the BEST of both worlds…..!" Alice was shut up by the freaky looks everyone was giving her. "What? I LOVE that show!"

"You know what? Whatever Alice, but we're watching Heroes and that's that," stated Edward.

"Heroes? You actually watched that show? Does it like make you feel good about and make you think you're a "hero"?" interrogated Rosalie who earned a death glare from Edward.

"But I want to watch That's So Raven!!!!!!!!!!" yelled out Jasper. At that everybody just looked at him like he'd gone bonkers. "What Raven is physic, Alice has visions. That show makes me happy!"

Edward just was about to say how wrong that was on SO many levels when Bella cut in. "I have the best idea! It will totally make everyone happy! Why don't we just watch Buffy the Vampire Slayer!?!?"

At that Bella looked up to see two fuming vampires, two that looked just befuddled, and then there was Alice who started laughing hysterically.

"Not funny!" she managed to state after she's regained herself and took a look at Rosalie's glare she was sending Bella.

"I was just joking" murmured Bella as the 6 of them moseyed on in to the living room where Esme and Carlisle were.

"Actually kids we're watching Grey's Anatomy," confirmed Carlisle who had just heard the whole arguement.

"But then I'll just get blood thirsty!!" complained Jasper.

"And then he'll have to kill Bella. Not cool!" said Emmett, snatching up the remote. "And besides I'm watching the football game. This is my big multi-plasma screen TV! So I get to decide what we watch!!!"

Then Edward just tackled Emmett, to get the remote, and they got into an enormous brawl, which let me tell you, is not pretty between two vampires.

Then Jasper plunged in while Rosalie, Bella, and Alice just plunked down on the couch. "Boys this is only going to end in tears!" yelled Rosalie over the commotion.

After much hustle and bustle and yelps and vampire noises, Edward's arm just so happened to flail out to the side to punch Jasper nose, but ill-fatally smacked Emmett's TV and it broke into a tiny thousand pieces that shattered to the floor.

Not good.

**Moral of the story: TV remotes cause trouble. Big trouble. Emmett sized trouble. Just let him watch his football game!**

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Hahahaha...and there you have it. Jasper likesThat's So RavenI bet you weren't expecting that. Hahaha...please review!


	3. Road Trip

Hey everyone! Thank you so much for the reviews. I really apperciate them! Sorry it's taken me so long to update, I've been really busy and on vacation so I haven't been close to a computer.

So I know this one is about a road trip and is not the most original story line, but I wrote it in the car on my way to Oregon, so that's why it's about a road trip. Enjoy!

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Road Trip!

"Edward stop swerving on the road!" shrieked Rosalie.

"I'm not! It's the wind smart one!" said Edward.

"Why isn't the portable DVD player working?" asked Emmett while punching the screen. "I need to rewatch the Fiesta Bowl!"

"The Fiesta Bowl?" asked Esme while looking up from her sewing.

"The best college football game in history!" announced Emmett. "Whoops." The portable DVD player screen shattered to pieces.

"Great! Now I'll never get to watch Ella Enchanted!" complained Alice.

"We weren't going to watch that! We were going to watch the Fiesta Bowl!" yelled Emmett.

"Whoa!! Tumbleweeds!" screamed Alice while pointing out the window. "They're tumbling!"

"Which is exactly why they are called tumbleweeds, they tumble! Who would have thought?" sarcastically remarked Rosalie.

"Look kids, the Geiser Grand Hotel! That's where we are staying!" said Carlisle while pointing at a billboard.

"Don't run over the tumbleweeds!" shrieked Alice.

"Alice! No one cares about the tumbleweeds!" stated Rosalie.

"COWS!!!" yelled Emmett. Everyone in the car turned to look at him. "What? I like cows."

"Emmett, grow up." Rosalie rolled her eyes.

"And you lighten up!" said Emmett.

"Stop fighting, you two!" said Jasper. "Just kiss and make up!"

Promptly, Emmett and Rosalie started making out.

"Great Jasper. Now look what you started!" said Edward.

"Look guys, I said make UP not OUT!!!!" yelled Jasper, spreading waves of annoyance all over the car with his super powers.

_I am an arms dealer. Pity you, with weapons in the form of words _blasted throughout the car from the radio.

"Bella! Turn your stupid emo music DOWN!" demanded Rosalie.

"Rosalie! Don't yell at Bella!" growled Edward.

"EDWARD! Eyes on the road!" said Esme. "Don't make your father come up there and drive!"

"Bathroom break for the human!" announced Edward while taking a sharp turn into a rest stop.

"Actually Edward I—" Bella was cut off by Rosalie exclaiming "Well I definitely need a hair and make up check, so this is good."

With a sigh from Bella; her, Alice, and Rosalie stepped out of the green SUV to practically be blown away by the wind. Dust clouds practically hid them from view. They ran up the hill towards the restroom but unfortunately turned the wrong way.

"The Men's Room?!?! Ewwww!!!!" shrieked Rosalie. They ran over the Woman's side.

"This is gross," announced Alice. "Bella, hurry and go do your business."

Rosalie looked at herself in the mirror and screamed. "My hair!" It was horribly windblown. Alice giggled.

The way back to the SUV wasn't any better. Bella tripped over a fence and scraped up her hands and knees.

As the car started going again, they drove into a dust storm.

"You can't even see the car in front of you!" stated Esme.

"We're going to die!" yelled Emmett.

Crack! Edward swerved almost going off the road.

"That stupid white pick up truck with two adults and a kid in it, hit a rock on our windshield!" growled Edward.

"Edward, slow down!" screamed Alice.

"We're going to die!!!" yelled Emmett.

All of a sudden, just as Bella took out her camera to remember the event, the dust and dirt disappeared. Bella sighed.

"This stupid SUV won't go over 150!" complained Edward.

"Time zone change!" squealed Alice.

"Whoa! My cell phone changed itself!" stated Rosalie.

"Which means it's smarter then you!" remarked Edward.

"Wait you mean that last hour didn't happen?" questioned Edward. "Weird."

"Emmett….never mind," said Esme. "Slow down, Edward! I mean we do have an extra hour!"

"Am I the only one that doesn't care about a time change?" asked Jasper.

"I really don't either." Stated Bella.

"Train! Choo choo! Chuga chuga, chuga chuga, choo choo!" squealed Alice.

"Count the train cars!" said Esme.

"Mom, we're not like 5." Said Rosalie.

"1, 2, 3…" said Emmett counting the cars.

"1! 2! 3! Like a bird I sing, cause you've given me the most beautiful set of wings," burst Alice into song.

"Alice no one likes country music but you!" informed Edward.

"27!" yelled Emmett. "27 train cars!"

"Edward are you driving in circles?" inquired Bella. "We just passed a Pacific Time Zone sign again."

"Ummmm…." mumbled Edward.

"Whoa, does that mean we lost _another _hour?" asked Emmett.

Rosalie hit him over the head with her magazine. "No it means Edward's lost, idiot."

"I am not! See we're back on the highway again! 48 miles to Baker City, Oregon! Tally ho!" exclaimed Edward.

Bella burst out laughing. "Tally ho?"

"Yeah! You never heard that before?"

Bella shook her head still laughing. "You're crazy! I love you,"

"Love you too Bella." Edward leaned over to kiss her just as Esme scream, "Edward! Eyes on the road!!"

**Moral of the story: Don't to travel to Oregon with your boyfriend's vampire family. For one thing, you'll never get to kiss him.**

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And believe it or not, that was like our car ride to Baker City, Oregon. A rock hit our windshield and my dad got lost and kept going past the time zone sign. And we saw a train with 27 train cars. Hehe. I counted.

Please leave review! I tend to update faster if I have more reviews. hint hint


	4. Great Balls of Fire!

Thank you so much for the reviews! They always really excite me! Ok so here's the next update. It's basically the sequel to my Road Trip one. It's when they get to the Geiser Grand hotel in Baker City. So yeah. It's the only sequel though to the road trip one. Enjoy!

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The family and Bella arrived in Baker City in the afternoon. By the time they checked into the hotel, Bella's stomache was growling.

"Time to feed the human!" announced Edward after hearing her stomache.

Bella sighed. "Well let's just eat in the hotel restaurant."

"It's pasta night!" exclaimed Emmett while reading a sign. "Can I come?"

"No!" said Edward. "It's too fancy of a restaurant for you!"

So it was decided that Esme, Alice, and Rosalie would go shopping and that Jasper, Carlisle, and Emmett would go do something to occupy themselves while Bella and Edward were at dinner.

Edward, unknowingly as usual, dazzled the waitress before Bella could even order. Just as Bella said she's have the pasta buffet, (and as the waitress waltzed away while primping her hair) Emmett came zipping around the corner big a HUGE plate of pasta.

"Don't worry! I already told the waitress that it's yours!" stated Emmett while dropping the plate in front of Bella. "No need to thank me!"

"Uhhh……Emmett this is….." stammered Bella while looking at the string pasta, multi-colored sauces and every vegetable known was on the plate.

"Emmett what the heck did you out on there?" Edward looked disgusted.

"Uhhh…everything?"

"EMMETT!!!!"

"It's fine, Edward!" said Bella while twirling pasta on her fork and plopping it in her mouth. "Mmmm…this is good!"

Edward glared at Emmett. "Go away!"

"So Bella, having fun on vacation with us?" asked Emmett while fingering the lampshade that dimmed the light of the candle. The flaming candle. "I mean we are pretty awesome to travel with."

"Emmett stop playing with the lamp shade, you're going to burn the hotel down!" said Edward.

"Who are you? My mother?" asked Emmett. "I'm not going to light it on….FIRE!"

The little cloth lampshade lit on fire. Emmett, who was panicking, dropped the flaming lampshade on the table cloth which immediately went up in flames.

Screams erupted from the people eating at tables next to them. Bella poured her ice water over the flames while trying to keep a straight face. Edward just glared at Emmett who sat there laughing his head off.

**Moral of the story: Fancy restaurants are not good places for grizzly eating vampires.**

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Believe it or not, my brother almost lit a lampshade on fire in this very fancy hotel restraurant. It was really funny, but my mom didn't think so. Hehe. Anyway, please review!


	5. Even Vampires Have FanGirls

Thanks for the reviews everyone! I love reading them. :)

Ok, this one needs a bit of explaining. I thought about not even using this update, but I find it hilarious. I actually wrote it for my couisin (Katie). I used people that I really know though, so it might not make much sense to everyone else, without a bit of background. Sooo...I'll make a key of characters.

**Michelle (that's me!): This is you. The crazy, Twilight obsessed girl who is probably a little spastic and way too hyper for her own good. (If you're not normally hyper pretend your on a sugar buzz)**

**Katie: This is your cousin who's a few years older then you. She loves Twilight too.**

**Shorts Boy: The hot guy at school that all the girls like. You may admit that he is hot, but he has way too big of an ego for you.**

**Majorly-OMG-Hot-Funny-Poetry Boy: This is the guy that you have a crush on. What else can I say?**

**Stilt Boy: That annoying kid that likes you. He balances yard sticks on his finger to get your attention. He also throws erasers at you. And at dances he duck tapes boxes to the bottom of his shoes to make him taller. Enough said.**

And there you have it! See, this one is a little more crazy then the rest, but I swear Edward will make an appearance. And a few other people you know. And yes, by the way, Stilt Boy does everything I mentioned up there above. It is SO annoying! And just weird.

Hehehe...well now that you all think that I'm insane...enjoy!

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**Even Vampires Have Fan-Girls**

"Bella, it's a Fair. Which means there's sun. Which means I'll sparkle. Which means everybody will know I'm a blood-sucking vampire!" exclaimed Edward Cullen the hottest vampire on earth.

"But since it's a Fair that means there will be rides!! Fast rides!! Well they probably won't go as fast as you drive but you know. Please! Please! For me??" pleaded Bella Swan the easy to blush beauty.

"Come on, Edward! You can wear a turtleneck and long jeans! Besides I've already seen us there, which means you have to go!!!" proclaimed Alice the pretty pixie petite.

"Fine," grumbled Edward while sulking up the steep stairs of the Cullen mansion to change his clothes.

"Yes!" called out Alice and Bella while high fiving each other.

**Meanwhile…..**

"To the fair, to the fair, to the fair, fair, fair, to the fair, to the fair, to the fair, fair, fair, to the fair, to the fair, to the FAIR, fair, fair!" cheerfully sung out the most gorgeous brown-haired, brown-eyed beauty in the all the world, in other words, Michelle.

Katie, the stunning, gorgeous red-haired teen, laughed. "Yes Michelle we are going to the fair. Actually we are already at the fair!"

In Katie's awesome blue 1950s pick-up truck, they rumbled up to the fair grounds. Katie killed the engine and they both hopped, well actually Michelle hopped Katie just bounded, out of the beast.

"Wouldn't that we TOTALLY AWESOME if we saw someone we knew?" asked Michelle while she skipped up to the line to get in.

"That would cool. I hope we do!" exclaimed Katie.

**In the meantime…..**

"Bella this was stupid!" mumbled Edward. They were walking around the Fair on a 100 degree day and Edward was in a black turtle neck, long bag jeans that dragged on the sidewalk, navy-blue gloves, and (courtesy of Emmett) a football cap for some team who's winning something somewhere. "I feel like an idiot!"

"Oh you look fine!" bounced Alice. She wore a pink floppy brimmed hat, a long sleeved yellow shirt, and faded jeans. "Ooooh let's go on that ride!" She towed Edward and Bella towards the fastest spinnest ride there. Bella was going to be sick.

**In the time being….**

"Oh my Gosh!!!" screamed Michelle. "It's SHORTS BOY!!!!!!" Michelle about fainted.

Shorts Boy had sprinted past the two lovely girls, in his infamous shorts of course, and ran out of sight!

"No way!! That hot kid was _Shorts Boy_?" inquired Katie. "Where did he go!?!?"

As if on cue, Shorts Boy came zipping around a corner again and leaped towards the food stand. Just then, his little pack of stalkers came whispering and oh-my-goding around the corner and stopped right behind an obese man. At the exact same time they all gave a content sigh and swooned.

"Oh my Goodness, I can't stand another minute of this, let's go ride a TOTALLY AWESOME fun ride!!!" said Michelle.

"Okay!!!" agreed Katie.

That's when the unthinkable happened. None other then Majorly-OMG-Hot-Funny-Poetry Boy came waltzing around the side of a ride. Michelle stopped dead in her tracks and squealed. And giggled and giggled and squealed some more. Finally Katie understood who he was.

"Oh my Gosh! That's _him_!?!!?!?!?!? NO WAY!!!! Oh my Gosh!!!!" was all Katie could say.

His brown hair glistened in the bright, summer, sun; his brown eyes twinkled, and his gorgeous smile seemed to be just for them. And the saxophone music that he played so well, seemed to be following him.

Between the giggling and the squealing, Michelle was about to hyperventilate. Then, incredibly, extremely tragically, he disappeared into a group of people and was never to be seen again. Well at least until the first day of school.

When Michelle finally got her breathing under control, Katie said still in shock, "Ok, let's go ride some rides now….."

The two lovely girls slowly, still in the trance Majorly-OMG-Hot-Funny-Poetry Boy had bestowed on them, turned around to see none other then that dreadful Stilt Boy balancing a _pink _cotton candy on his fingers on his right hand. And yes to Michelle's horror, those boxes were duck taped to his shoes.

Now Michelle just screeched, groaned, and screamed, and wailed and vigorously whispered to Katie, "Stilt Boy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And the two of them, as if in slow motion, dove under a picnic table.

**Meanwhile…..**

"Never EVER again am I going on that ride again!" exclaimed a green-faced Bella. "It was worse then driving or even running with you, Edward!!!"

"Are you okay sweetie?" asked Edward trying to balance a swaying Bella.

Alice was about to go searching for a bathroom or trash can for unfortunate Bella, when the two lovely girls came skidding, and in Michelle's case screaming, to a halt at Edward's feet. The hottest vampire on the earth's feet.

"Whoa, are you two okay?" gallantly inquired Edward while lifting the two of them up.

"Why yes we're…." Katie trailed off. She looked up into his topaz eyes and it was her turn to scream.

"Why are you wearing a black turtleneck sweater? And looooong jeans and a football cap, football is so stupid especially that team just cause you know _I_ don't know who it is, and _black gloves_ to a fair on a like bazillion degree day? It's not like you're a vampire or something that will sparkle!" stated Michelle. That's when she realized who this really was.

Then for about 5 minutes all either one of them could do was scream. Then Michelle saw the need to explain the whole day to the unlucky threesome who were quite in shock over this whole situation.

"Oh my Gosh! We decided to come to the Fair because we thought it would be TOTALLY AWESOME then we ran into Shorts-Boy and his little pack of stalkers and then we saw Majorly-OMG-Hot-Funny-Poetry Boy and I about fainted and swooned let me tell you, and then just when we were turning around the nightmarish Stilt-Boy was there!!!!! In his STILTS!!!! BALANCING COTTON CANDY!!!!!!!!!!!! And then we ran into you and we OH MY GOSH REALIZED THAT YOU ARE EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE EDWARD CULLEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"Shorts Boy?!?!?!" asked Alice.

"Stilt Boy?!?!!? Inquired Bella.

"Majorly-OMG-Hot-Funny-Poetry Boy?!?!?!?!" asked Edward.

The three of them just blinked their eyes at Michelle and Katie who were now screaming over Edward again.

"Why are you wearing a shirt that says: Twilight: Only a vampire can love you forever?" slowly Edward asked Michelle, who immediately blushed.

"And why are you wearing a shirt that says: Bite Me?" he asked Katie.

"Yeah and why on the back of your shirt does it say: Official _I Love Edward Cullen _Fan Club Member?" asked Alice.

"Yeah, news flash!!!!! He's MY boyfriend!!!!!!" yelled Bella.

That's when it all came out. Michelle and Katie started rambling and screaming. Poor Edward. Michelle went on about how she loved him and that she would totally be his fan girl and be his cheerleader while the family played baseball. While Katie went on about how if he ever decides to leave Bella again how she is totally perfect for him cause red heads are hotter anyway.

While this went on all poor Edward could do was stand there in shock and in a daze. With his mouth hanging wide open.

Finally when Michelle and Katie started jumping up and down and screaming and twirling around in circles; Bella, Edward, and Alice saw this as the opportune moment to make a sneaky get away.

Then it was their turn to run with there arms flailing the air screaming.

**Moral of the story: Even vampires have fan girls**

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Hehehe...will I hope you like the craziness of it all! Hopefully it got a few good laughs out of you. And I hope it didn't make you run away with your arms flailing. Hehehe. Please review:)


	6. Must Love Dogs, Right?

LOL. I'm glad you guys liked the other chapter! I think it was definitely _my_ favorite one yet. I also like the Albertsons one that I wrote. Hehehe. Thanks for the reviews! I really apperciate them!

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"Edward. I want a dog," stated Bella one afternoon while she and Edward were watching 101 Dalmatians.

"A dog? Let me guess, you want a Dalmatian,"

"Nope! I want a yellow lab!"

"A yellow lab?"

"Yep!!"

Alice walked into the room. "No! No! Get a Scottie dog! They're sweet!"

"Psh. If he's going to get her a dog at _least _get her a poodle. They are so CUTE!" giggled Rosalie.

"No get a dog with some attitude!" said Alice while putting on her sunglasses for "attitude".

"Uh no. Don't even go there Alice!" said Rosalie while putting her hands on her hips.

"Well I still want a yellow lab," said Bella. "They look very lovable!"

"I don't think it would be a good idea," said Edward. "Besides do you think Charlie would even let you get a dog?"

"What would you name it?" asked Esme walking in with a plate of cookies for Bella.

"Ummmm…….." Bella put a cookie in her mouth while thinking of her options. "Well….I rather like-"

"BUCK!!!!" Emmett came running in. "I want a yellow lab named Buck!"

"Will you feed it? Walk it? Not let it die like you did when you owned that rat? Ewww…that was just gross anyway! I'm glad it died." asked Rosalie.

"Hey that rats name was Rick! IT HAD FEELINGS TOO!!!!" bellowed Emmett.

"Until you ran over it with your jeep," muttered Jasper. Bella and Alice giggled.

"I suppose we could get you a dog," said Rosalie weighing her options. A dog couldn't be _that_ bad. Way better then a rat anyway.

"To the dog pound we go!" Alice cheered. She loved dogs.

Everyone left the room and sped off in their own cars to get Emmett a yellow lab named Buck, leaving Edward and Bella to be all but forgotten.

"But hey! I was the one who wanted a dog in the first place!" pouted Bella.

"Oh well." said Edward, obviously happy she wasn't the one getting a dog.

"Hey! Why are you so happy Emmett's going to get the dog that_ I_ wanted in the first place and that _I'm not going to_ get it!?!?" asked an irritated Bella.

"Because they remind me of werewolves," simply stated Edward.

"Oh. Well that _does_ make sense," admitted Bella. "Then why does Emmett want one? HE doesn't like werewolves that much either. That doesn't make any sense!"

"Since when has Emmett ever been none for being that sensible one?" asked Edward. "That sensible one is me by the way."

Bella giggled.

And then in the distance, an eerie howl was heard. And to top it off, there was to be a full moon that night. HOWL!!!

Bella and Edward both shivered.

**Moral of the story: If you want a yellow lab don't tell your vampire boyfriend because he's brother might just go get a dog instead. Not fair!**

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Ok that was random one! Hehehe. Leave it to Emmett to want to get a dog. LOL. Hope you enjoyed it. I'll try to have another update up soonish. Please leave review!


	7. That Cursed Time of Day

Hey everyone! Thanks once again for the reviews! Was anyone as excited as me about that new Harry Potter book? I was almost as excited for that as I am for Eclipse. But even now Eclipse outrules Harry Potter. Which is scary to believe because I was screaming the minute I got my copy of the Deathly Hallows, so I can only imagine how I'll be when Eclipse comes out! Hehe.

Enjoy the update!

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**That Cursed Time Of Day**

"It's 11:11!!!!!!" screamed Rosalie while running behind Emmett. "Everybody run!"

"Run to where?" asked Jasper sending his claming waves over Rosalie. "It's just a time on a clock! There's nothing to be worried about!"

"Yeah Rose. Chill out." said Emmett.

"Chill out? CHILL OUT AT 11:11???!!!!!!!???!!!!!!!" Rosalie gave them all a look of horror. "Don't you know what 11:11 means?"

Jasper tired to send out more waves of calm. They looked they were making Rosalie more paranoid.

"Ummm. No." said Alice. "I've never seen anything in the future that will be bad and happen on 11:11,"

"Yet," said Edward. He started humming the Jaws theme song.

"Edward, stop!" said Bella slapping his shoulder. She tired to hide a giggle as Rosalie looked appalled and tried to tune out Edward by covering up her ears and singing loudly.

"Don't you guys know what a 11:11 MEANS?!?!" asked Rosalie.

Jasper sent out even more calming waves to lighten the atmosphere. It still wasn't working.

"Isn't a lucky time of day?" inquired Alice. "You know double digits on a clock? I thought you were supposed to make a wish at a time like that! 11:11, 5:55, 2:22, 3:33...you know times like that!"

"Oh yes. That is true. But 11:11 is DEADLY!" screamed Rosalie. "It's a time of bad luck and torture!"

"Torture?" asked Jasper. "I hardly doubt that!"

"Doubt that? DOUBT THAT?" screamed Rosalie in disbelief. "This is a minute of terror and fear and it's a cursed time of day! What if we all died right here and NOW because of a nuclear explosion?!?!?!"

"Oh Rosalie. Stop being so melodramatic!" Edward rolled his eyes.

"Yeah. I mean 11:11 can't be _that_ bad." said Bella. "My eighth grade World Studies thought he was a reincarnated World War 1 soldier because every time he seems to glance at the clock it was 11:11. And you know, the armistice that ended the war was signed on November 11, 1918 at 11 o'clock in the morning. He always was kind of a weird guy anyway."

"Bella nobody cares about your stupid 9th grade World Studies teacher." snapped Rosalie. "Except I think he might of actually had some sense, unlike the REST of you."

Jasper tried to soothe at Rosalie even more with calming waves. This was getting irritating.

"_8th _grade teacher!!!" yelled Bella.

"7th grade, whatever." Rosalie put her "I don't really care" face on.

"Oh look! It's 11:12!!! Bad time is over!" exclaimed Emmett.

Rosalie happily sighed. The horrible time of day was over. Rosalie went and sat on Edward's piano bench. Thank goodness the minute had passed and she had survived. Just when she thought she was safe, Buck came dashing through the room, knocked Bella off her feet (who Edward gallantly caught) and sprung on Rosalie's back causing her to crash to the floor face first.

When she looked up, her perfect, tiny nose was not in the correct position. "EMMETT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Jasper gave up on sending out calming waves and left the room irritated to go get Carlisle. Emmett made a mad dash out the door mumbling something to Bella about how he need to walk Buck.

Rosalie gasped, horrified. "IT IS TRUE! 11:11 _isn't _the horrible time of day!!!" Lucky for her she was a vampire so she could breathe through her broken nose. "11:_12_ IS THE TRUE MINUTE OF TERROR!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Everyone, who were now thoroughly exasperated, sighed in unison and watch Rosalie run throughout the house like a mad women screaming prophecies of 11:12.

**Moral of the story: 11:11 isn't the cursed time of day! It's 11:12! See Rosalie knows the truth!**

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Hehehe. Who knew Rosalie could be so dramatic? It just goes to show that everyone can be melodramatic at times. LOL.

Please remember to review:)


	8. Dippin' Fun

Thanks for reviewing everyone! I don't know what I'd do if I didn't get reviews. I think that I probably wouldn't even update it. Unless I had a horrible case of writer's block, then I probably wouldn't update. But anyway, thanks!

By the way, this update is really random and really out of character for Bella. I don't really like it, but since I wrote it, I'll post it.

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**Dippin' Fun**

"Alice, for the last time, we are not playing mini golf. Just go play on the machines!" said Edward as he tossed Alice some quarters, who squealed.

"Wow! Is she ever easy to amuse," stated Bella. "Oooo look! Dippin Dots!!! In a machine!!!!!! Can we please buy some!?!!?!?!" Bella danced over to the machine and poked the glass.

"Speaking of someone easy to amuse…" mumbled Edward while he dug in his pocket for his wallet. "Fine….3 dollars??? 3 dollars for those things?"

"Yep! Oh please Edward, please!" Bella said while jumping up and down.

"Here," Edward tossed her 3 dollars. Bella giggled excitedly as the machine dropped her bag of strawberry Dippin Dots into the hole. Bella grabbed it and immediately started eating them.

"I LOVE Dippin Dots!!!!!" squealed Bella. She was trying to eat the little balls of ice cream with her fingers seeing as there wasn't a spoon in the bag.

Edward cringed. "They look positively disgusting,"

Bella dribbled them all over herself. Kids walking by gave her EXTREMELY weird looks.

"More! More! MORE! I NEED MORE!" Bella was definitely on a sugar buzz right now.

Alive walked over with a handful of tickets and a smug smile on her face. Some kids nearby were giving her the evil eye. Obviously she had beaten them at a game. "Edward what did you do to Bella?"

Bella was now dancing around in circles and singing "I'm a Barbie girl! In a Barbie world! Life in plastic, it's FANTASTIC!"

"Ummm….she ate some Dippin Dots." Said a confused Edward.

"DIPPIN DOTS?!?!?! You gave BELLA SWAN _Dippin Dots?" _asked Alice in disbelief. Edward nodded his head. "Wow you are stupider then I thought! You never give Bella Dippin Dots!"

"Well I obviously know that now!" angrily said Edward. Bella was now trying to persuade two teenaged boys to do the can-can with her. Obviously they ran away, so she did it by herself.

Edward was about to lunge on Bella to make her stop looking like an idiot. "Wait Edward slow down! Just give it 5 seconds! 5….4….3…2…1," Alice counted down. On 1, Bella instantly fell to the floor.

Alice smiled satisfied. "Yep she was on a total sugar buzz. Now let's take her home,"

Edward's eyes were the size of golf balls as he picked up Bella. "Remind me never again to give her Dippin Dots. NEVER!"

**Moral of the story: Some people really don't do well with Dippin Dots. It's not recommended to give them to your girlfriend even if they do just seem like harmless balls of yummy ice cream. She might go a little crazy. **

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Like I said, a really random and somewhat stupid update. Oh well. But please review! It only takes a few seconds and they make me very happy! I'll try and have another update up soonish!


	9. Summertime Blues

Hi everyone! So did you all love Eclipse? I don't know if I really did. I don't like Jacob. Actually I don't like Werewolf Jacob. Non-werewolf Jacob I can handle, but if only he wasn't a werewolf! But besides that I really liked it! Time for the 4th book now! LOL!

By the way, sorry this update took so long. I guess I was too busy reading. Haha. This actually turned out a lot more serious then I planned it too. gasp Serious? Me? I know it's shocking! Enjoy!

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**Summertime Blues**

Bella Swan walked outside the front door and locked it. She was on her way to her one and only true love's house. There was a chill in the air, and the wind lifted her hair up and rain drops came pelting down on her face.

She turned around and about fell off the porch. "Boo!" cheerfully exclaimed Edward. He had to catch her from falling flat on her face.

"Surprised?" he asked with another grin. Bella rolled her eyes and stepped off the porch the find herself slip on the muddy walkway.

Thank goodness for Greek Gods like Edward to catch her.

"I. Hate. The. RAIN!" practically screamed Bella as she walked towards the all too shiny Volvo. It was still shiny even though it was practically pouring down rain.

"Well it sucks you live in Forks then doesn't it?" Edward opened the door of his car for Bella. Before she could put her seat belt on, Edward was there speeding out of the driveway and on the windy ride to his mansion of a house.

"Why does it have rain in the_ summer_ though?" complained Bella.

Edward smiled and replied cheerfully, "Because it's Forks that's why!"

Thunder boomed and lightening striked a nearby tree.

"A horrible, rotten day," mumbled Bella. "Why Charlie decided to go fishing I don't know."

Edward coughed a looked away from her.

"Edward! Where are you going? I thought we were going to your house!"

"Well that was the plan….and you see plans can change. Alice decided it would be fun to dye your hair pink and have you become Guinea Pig Barbie again so…"

"Then WHERE are we going?"

"You'll see,"

Oh no. That can NOT be good. Bella hated it when Edward said you'll see. Normally it meant something bad. Like instead of becoming Guinea Pig Barbie she was going to become Alice's mannequin at the mall, or they were going to go do something stupid like backpacking or…

"Here we are!" exclaimed Edward.

Bella saw something that looked like the back of Charlie's head. "FISHING?!?!" she managed to choke out.

"Yep," said Edward getting out of the car. Bella was just speechless. She couldn't even say anything. Fishing? What! Why? How! WHY?!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!??!!??!!?

"Because I thought it would be could bonding time for the three of us!" exclaimed Edward. "You know you're cute when you turn red in the face like that,"

"Bonding time? BONDING time? How did you know I was thinking why?!? You can't read my mind!" it was all Bella could do not to scream.

"I can't. You're face gave it away. And yes, bonding time,"

"Charlie put you up to this!" accused Bella.

"Nope. I came up with it on my own. Maybe he won't hate me as much if I attempt to do something with him. Do you want to be sent to Alice?"

Bella considered her options. "But it's raining," she mumbled in defeat.

"Do you honestly think I could do anything outdoors with Charlie if it wasn't raining?" Edward handed her a rain jacket. He really had been planning this. A heavy rain jacket. Oh why, oh why?

Edward just smiled at her and patiently waited for her to get out of the car. Bella put on the jacket but didn't budge. Edward sighed, pecked her on the cheek, and lifted her out of the car.

Bella stalked toward Charlie mumbling something about stupid vampires and their stupid bonding ideas. Edward just chuckled.

"Bells! Edward!" exclaimed Charlie, his face brightening up. "I really didn't think you to would come!"

"I had no choice," said Bella with a smile. She could feel Edward's glare at the back of her head. Oh well. Served him right. Fishing. She had managed not to go in at _least_ 6 years. She hadn't missed it one bit.

Edward walked over and started talking fishing terms with Charlie. Who knew there WERE fishing terms? Stupid fishing. Bella pulled her hood on her head. The raining hadn't even slowed down. Some way to spend a summer day.

All of sudden Edward cast out the fishing pole with such grace and poise, you'd think he took ballet or something. Was there anything he couldn't do well? Charlie was handing her a fishing pole.

Bella smiled and figured Edward would pay for this later. Oh would he pay. Oh yes he would.

Not really thinking about what she was doing, Bella went to cast out the fishing pole and tripped over a slab of wood on the dock. She went plummeting into the ice cold water.

Before she knew what was happening, Edward had dived in and put her back on the dock as fast as it had taken her to fall in. She hadn't even had time to scream.

Bella glared and him through gritted teeth as she was shaking. "I am NEVER going fishing AGAIN!"

**Moral of the story: When your boyfriend starts to mention things like bonding with your dad while fishing, convince him to watch a football game with your dad instead. You won't get soaked because of your clumsiness.**

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Hahaha. Ok on second thought maybe it wasn't that serious! I hope you liked it! Please leave a review:)


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